so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize