it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
