Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my poor anus
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
