I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
