he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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