Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
