There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
