just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
