her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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