I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
