He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
