Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
