Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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