I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
