is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
