well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
