dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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