Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
