He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
