Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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