ugly people sure do ruin things
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize