elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
