Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
