i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
