Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
