Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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