You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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