Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
