I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
