just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
