were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize