either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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