just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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