i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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