I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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