Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
