so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
