we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
