have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize