So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
