Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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