By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
