I wanna bring you to show and tell
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
