I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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