Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
