You really coming over, don't trick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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