i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i love accidental penises.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
