so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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