I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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