marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize