I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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