where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
