I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
