Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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