dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize