i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
