Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
