did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think my mom watched the whole time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
