Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
