I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am midnight drunk by noon
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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