i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
