Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize