I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
NoShamevember. You game?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
COCAINE IS GR8
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
