It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
