So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
